Getting Right in the World: Quitter to Unquitter

 

You’ll probably notice people like me seem obsessed with Jiu Jitsu. Constant social media post are probably a dead giveaway. The reason for this is two fold: the first is to basically let people know how frigging cool and life changing Jiu Jitsu is. The second, is to help (push, cajole, and sometimes guilt) those who haven’t been on the mats in some time to return.

Now you may think Jiu Jitsu is ALL I do but it isn’t. As much as I LOVE Jiu Jitsu, I have many other things I am tackling on a daily, weekly, monthly and yearly basis. One of the basic tenants in Jiu Jitsu is balance and base. If you don’t have this in your life, things fall out of kilter. Other areas of you life will rapidly go south.

I am no different that the average person taking on a "hobby". I work full time in what is considered a high risk/high stress job. I have family and friends that I spend time with. I enjoy getting out in nature, learning the guitar, doing my podcast , seminar attendance and managing my 3 other entrepreneurial endeavors. Some people do more-some less. But we all can get in some Jiu Jitsu IF YOU ARE willing to to.

 

Many years ago, my Professor, Keith Owen, was teaching a seminar at my school and he said “I want everyone to look to your right. Now to your left. By the time you reach black belt, those people won’t be practicing anymore.” He did this to illustrate that it is HARD to get a black belt and really, 33% is a generous number when talking about who gets to the ‘finish line’ (black belt…which it isn’t by the way). Its probably less than 5%.

 

I actually have the video of this speech. I remember seeing people looking left and right and hearing what he had to say. There were many “shaking of heads” indicating the “Oh, that won’t be me. No way.”

Well, as you can imagine, many, many of those “it won’t be me that quits” people are no longer in Jiu Jitsu. They did quit. The road to black belt is littered with could haves, would haves and should haves.

Jiu Jitsu isn’t for everyone in the long run despite the slogan “Jiu Jitsu is for everyone.” Jiu Jitsu CAN be done by anyone but the length of your practice depends on YOU. Sometimes people just don't like Jiu Jitsu. That's totally cool. But this article is for the people who like (liked) Jiu Jitsu but QUIT.

Instructors have heard all the excuses in the world. I’ve shared many stories that are exactly the same across the globe. Seriously. The only thing different about the stories are the names of the people.

 

I am not devoid of heart and understand the stresses that come with life. But there are a ton of bullshit excuses out there on why people quit. No one thinks their excuse is invalid. They all think they have THE excuse why they stopped training.

“well, my excuse is special.”

No. No its not. I've endured job shifts, deaths, sickness and many other things. So, your excuses ARE NOT special-YOU ARE. If you continue Jiu Jitsu in light of these, you are the special one. IT requires dedication, strength, confidence and motivation.

I posted an instagram meme a while back that read “Are you a “I train Jiu Jitsu” person or are you a “I USE to train Jiu Jitsu” person. At what point do we consider one “former”? Did you take an extended leave but returned? Is that quitting and then unquitting?

You can ALWAYS unquit. Really, that is goal when I see people drift off from the art. I’ve seen a ton of talented people quit. And they still haven’t returned.

If we are going to be honest, there is a point when you quit Jiu Jitsu. You haven’t returned in some time. You are not on a hiatus. You aren’t just taking a break. You quit. This isn’t made to make you feel guilty. Its just the truth. Dedication is hard. Excuses are easy.

I have a tough love/genuine care for my students (both past and present). I will support those in tough times. Shitty things happen and we must be there for our students in those situations. But where do my priories lie? This may be tough for some to hear.

My priorities lie with those students who want to be on the mat. Who, despite THEIR challenges, show up and train and haven’t quit. I don’t expect students to train 6 days a week and that doesn’t make you more valuable that the one day a week student. Both are showing up and doing what they can to move forward.

As a coach, my job is to help you meet your goals. But that requires work on your part. If you aren’t putting in the effort, how can you expect your coaches to put in more than you…into YOU.

I’ve done that too. I’ve dropped everything to pour all my energy into students that just half assed it only to have them quit Jiu Jitsu.

You have to be true to yourself if you have quit Jiu Jitsu. I actually respect those who admit and say “ya, this article is about me. I am that person. I have nothing valid to counter point. I just need to get back to it.”

Stop fooling yourself if you keep saying “I’ll eventually come back.” You like social media posts about Jiu Jitsu  but haven’t been on the mat in months or years. If you truly want Jiu Jitsu in your life you need to set a PLAN. You need goals. If you don’t, you won’t. It will always be that out of reach dream and you’ll never pull the trigger.

And quitting isn’t reserved for white belts. I’ve seen ALL belts quit.

So how do you, the quitter, return to Jiu Jitsu?  This is what you have to do.

•  be honest with yourself and understand that you have in fact quit
•  shelve the excuses and tell your self doubt to shut the fuck up
•  remember how it felt when you were on the mats and the endorphins were firing. How good it made you feel.
•  think back to the good times and comradery you have with your fellow students
•  be prepared to start over and realize you will be rusty (or worse).
•  make a plan and stick to it. It can be one class a week or 5. Be realistic. Do a little a lot as my friend Professor Chad Lyman says. Be Consistent.
•  the only thing worse than excuses and failure is not attempting to correct them.
•  make sure your significant other is on board with you training. If you don’t have support in this arena, you’ll 100% never return.
•  you’ll have a ton of support if you return. The mats are where the action is. Where like minded people can share advice, experiences and positive energy. 
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You can unquit Jiu Jitsu but you SERIOUSLY need to have a conversation with yourself and get right in the world again. The longer you spend away from the mats, the harder it is to return. It is possible but its time to dig down, find your character and walk through those doors again. And if you think you are too old to come back or out of shape or not strong enough, let me remind you of this man right here.